When i was young, i used to do and say what i want without thinking of the consequences. It didn't even cross my mind that i might have offended anyone at any point of time. Life seems so simple and easy until this one incident that happened to me when i was in secondary school. I would say its actually life changing. You must be wondering what is it? What changes me so much that makes me who i m today? The story goes like this....
I was a form 3 student that time. Childish and acted like a small kiddo as always. Then, one day, during recess, i noticed everyone kept staring at me. Everyone in the whole freaking school!!! I wondered why and actually got quite scared. Suddenly, one of my friend came to me and said " Hey , there is this paper writing bad, terrible and disgusting things about you posted all over the school!" I was shocked and hope that she was lying. I did not know what to do and how to react. I became famous out of the sudden for the extremely wrong reason. The whole school including all the teachers read it. I was so scared to even leave my classroom. Its like the end of the world to me. When i was about to collapse, i remember there was this one girl that approached me on that same day. She pat me on my shoulder and said " We know its not true, u don't have to care whats written in it. " This short sentence actually touched my heart from within. However, i'm not the usual me anymore.
Since then my whole world changed. I became extremely quiet and pessimistic. I had super low self esteem and no confidence in doing everything. My counsellor and my disciplinary teacher constantly asking me to meet them. I knew that they just wanted to help and see how i was coping. But seriously, i did not want to talk about it at all. I remained silence throughout the whole conversation most of the time.
My whole social life changed drastically as well. Thats the time i realised not everyone is a true friend. Some would leave you behind. How about my family members then?? Well, actually i did not tell any of my family members. I acted as thou nothing happen when i was at home. I know very well they would have help me out but at the same time i know my parents will make a big fuss out of it and i want to avoid that. Its my mistake that i hide this from them. I thought i was able to handle it all by myself but i was so wrong. Eventually, I developed major depressive disorder. I felt so alone and helpless. I was crying everyday in my room. I did not want to get out of my house and definitely not to school. Every time when people were talking, i would think that they were talking bad about me. When people stared at me i would think that i must have done something terribly wrong. I did not want to hang out with anyone as i'm scared that i might accidentally hurt someone's feeling. At that time, I only talk to one of my friend at school. The funny part was some people actually approached her and asked whether i said anything to her. I was so disappointed when she told me this. All they care was whether i suspected them. I pretend that i did not care but, inside me, my heart had scattered into pieces.
After about a year, I started to open up my heart slowly. I began to hang out with people that im comfortable with. My MDD resolved slightly but not my confidence level and self esteem. I still prefer staying at home whenever i can. So, I spent most of my time studying as i have no other interest at all. I guess thats how i strike full A's in my SPM and end up in medical field today.
All i can say is everything happen for a reason. It helps us grow physically, mentally and spiritually. No one will actually understand how you feel unless you let them walk into your heart and help you. No man is an island. But please remember, not all your friend will stay by your side when you need them. Those who stay are those that actually care and love you. They are your true friends. Be there for them always as how they will for you. Don't be sad or angry towards those that left you. Be thankful that you get to know their true colours now and not later. Whenever terrible things happen to you, take it as a challenge and walk your way out of it! Never give up easily. No matter what the outcome is, you will eventually become a better and stronger person in life.
To all my true frens... i love you all... xoxo <3 p="">
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